I Want To Talk About Marriage

As I am preparing this blog, an Instagram photo caught my attention. A photo of a couple with a caption: National Best Friends Day. It was for me beautiful! Considering our spouse as our best ally. I remember, one time in our mothers' group that meet every Tuesday afternoon, we have a kind of a game as an ice-breaker. Each one of us will draw a card and in the card there is a question that all of us will answer.

our big day

There was a question that says: who is your most trusted person? Some answered parents, I answered my husband. It feels really good to be married to someone whom you are really trusted. There is no perfect marriage, but if you will ask me to rate the status of my marriage life from 1 to 10 the highest, I can say that my husband and I are standing at number 9. So the question now is: what is the key to a successful marriage? I can give some pointers based on what is really happening in my marriage life. I hope you can get some helpful tips that can enhance your marriage or your relationship.

Celebrating our 3rd year wedding anniversary

happy then, happy till now

My husband and I had just met through the Internet, through my blogging. To get married to someone whom you have never met in person is a big risk and a real challenge. We have never been friends. My husband is sweet in his own ways and at the same time, he found a sense of warmth and joy in me that made him want me. First tip: Be realistic. Again, there is no perfect marriage. Open your eyes that the person you have married is imperfect and as the days pass of living in one roof together, flaws, shortcomings, and silly things will be revealed. But how the two of you handle the situation in a calm manner is a big factor to build the marriage bond last. Don't forget that when settling an issue, the tone of our voice is very important. Second tip: follow the Golden Rule. Do unto other what you want them do to you. If you like your spouse to respect you, you must also be respectful. If you like your spouse to be honest, you must be honest too. Don't make your life complicated by being hard or hard-hearted person. Be easy on people and you will find life a lot easier.  Third tip: treat your spouse as a friend and have time for intimacy. Communication in marriage is easy when you both are at ease with each other. That is a thing we found in our friends. We run fast to our friend when we have a problem. But if we have a strong attachment with our spouse, we don't hide our fears and worries from him or from her. And intimacy is not only in bed. There is a kind of meaning in intimacy when the couples are also sharing light moments in doing household chores together. I feel loved when my husband is helping me in the kitchen. Besides, I have learned to cook because he is a good cook. Fourth tip: seasoned your marriage life with constant humor. My husband has a lot of differences. In likes, in hobbies, and in profession. I am a full-time  housewife and mother, and a hobbyist. While my husband is a very busy man. His job requires him to travel a lot, here in The Netherlands to around the world. But I love it when he laughs at my jokes and he too knows how to lighten my mood. It is really important that you have time for fun and to laugh together. During trying times, don't forget to become humorous. It can help to lighten the load. Fifth tip, but not the least: having God in your marriage. I am steadfast in my religion being one of Jehovah's Witnesses while my husband was born in a country where most people are passive in religion. But it makes a big difference in our marriage life that I stand firm in my belief and my husband feels it that my God is so real to me. I think, I gain his love and respect because I live to my faith with my God. And it is always included in my prayers, guidance and blessing in my marriage life. Before I end up, I want to add this: love, respect, and trust are things that couples must nurture through the years of being married. It will not happen over night. As you collect moments of being married, you will see both hard times and good times, all of them will strengthen your marriage if you know how to use them as a learning experience. I love my husband and I feel grateful for having him and our son in my life. I know him so comfortably now. What makes him happy and what makes him sad. I have learned too that there is one bad news to him, it is a clogged sink.

Long Long Distance Love Affair

Because of him, flying became a part of my life.

How did you meet? I got that question so many times. I am talking about me and my husband. It was a long story to tell, many people find it inspiring, some people believe it is magic, but I want to tell you, finding true love is like finding a needle in a haystack. Especially, finding true love on the internet is not that easy and very risky.

Three years as a tourist in Holland.

Me and my husband have met on a social network, Fanbox. That was October 2008. He came in the Philippines December but we have not met. I was not convinced that someone I met on the internet can fly half of the world and like to meet me, though he was already a vacationer in the Philippines before we met on the net. December 2009 when we met each other in person. I fetched him at the airport, he stayed with our family in our house for a couple of days, then I went with him for a long holiday.

Diamond earings, the first "pasalubong" I got from him.

The rest is history. We were in a relationship for three years and we are married now for two years. I know friends who also met a guy on the net, have a long distance relationship through the internet. Some succeed, many failed and caused them headaches and heartbreaks. 

My husband is in the Netherlands and I live with my parents in the Philippines. At first we meet online only on weekends because with the nature of his work, it is not possible for him to come online during daytime. We have a six hour gap. I was working in Citibank but I don't have a computer at home. We agreed we meet only online on weekends but every day we leave offline messages to each other.

We need to trust and to be trusted if we want our love survive the distance. Before my husband came to the Philippines to meet me, he sent a bouquet of flowers for me. He is arriving December 2009, I received the flower month of April, and July when he told me that he already purchased his plane ticket.

We haven't met yet but he sent me a bouquet of flowers.

He made me feel he is so real. Possibly because he also felt how real I am. I always tell him the truth, I am not adept at pretending. When I went with him for a long holiday, he saw how simple I am, and I am not after for money and good times. 

The process for me to be able to live with him in the Netherlands takes a lot of time, money, and patience. I have to take first the Dutch MVV Exam at the Royal Dutch Embassy in Manila. Eric paid it and I took the test. Eventually, the Dutch Government gave me special consideration because my left ear is deaf and my right ear is only 60% working.

Things come into the right places because two months before our wedding, the Dutch Government granted my MVV or my residence permit. We got married on December 2012 and the following month,  we return in the Netherlands as husband and wife.

MVV Exam, a Dutch reviewer that he sent to me.

We are in a long way now of our relationship. I can proudly address him now as my beloved husband. We now have a son. I have already taken the Naturalization Exams and it goes well too. I never thought it that I can find true love from a box that full of trash. I am thankful that I am still a blessed girl.

I am thankful to this kind-hearted man for he made his home my home.

For those who are asking me now on how to succeed in a long distance love affair, especially for those who just met on the internet, I would say: honesty is the best policy. A relationship that starts in pretending and lying will never turn out right. I believe in a saying that what you sow is what you reap. This one too is very important, no matter how much you feel you want to love and to be loved, do not close your eyes to the obvious danger. Use your intuition to sense lies, cheating, and pretender. It is better to back out, feel the temporary frustration than to risk your future happiness. If it is love, it's love. If it is not let go, let God, and move on. As for me, I love so much our love story!