13 October 2016

An Issue Of A "Mother-Teachers Relationship"

"I am not a guardian! I am the mother of my son!"
When I signed up on Blogger, my objective in writing is only about something personal. That is why I categorized my blog as a personal blog. But this personal blog gets broader as my life's horizon getting wider. I have many things on my mind that my heart wants to express through writing. This time, another blog about my feelings as a mother to my son.

I don't like to sound sensitive, nor vulnerable. In this part of the world where the women are as eminent and as powerful as men, there is no room for vulnerability. Only when it comes to family matters, I am soft, I am sensitive.

I am nearly four years living in The Netherlands. The assimilation quiet difficult: the weather, the culture, the language, and the lifestyle. Now, there is another story that my son is already in preschool.

Last April, the teachers of my son called my husband. My husband told me that the teachers like to talk to him. It was a surprised to me because I bring our son to school every day and I am also the one who picking him up, but the teachers did not tell me that they called my husband or that they want to talk to him!

It happened again. Last night, my husband told me that he will take a day off on Friday because, he said, the teachers called him and they like to talk to him. If you are a mother, a devoted mother, and you are in my position, how would you feel? Honestly, it hurt me and I feel really bad. I am asking, why the teachers not telling me that they want to speak to my husband about our son? Or if there is any problem with my son, why they do not open it up to me or discuss it with me as the mother?
I don't care if they don't like me as long as I like myself.

I had a hurt feeling last night until this morning. I have enough and I want to speak out. I called my very dear friend in Denmark and told her about it. I told her that I called her because I want to draw some strength from someone who can push me so I will have the strength to speak out. She replied me: "Maggy, you are strong, you have strength, you are not just using it."

Before we ended up our phone conversation, she reminded me: "Maggy, do not cry in front of the teachers." I said, yes. I took my son to school. I approached one of his three teachers. I asked her if we can talk even for a while. She said, yes.

I said it all! In a calm voice, in a professional manner, I asked the teacher, why it is always my husband that they like to talk about our son? I am in school everyday, they see me, why they are calling my husband instead of telling me? My tears falling when I told the teacher that "I am not a guardian, I am the mother of my son!"

The teacher explained to me that in their files, it stated there that during meetings with parents the contact person is my husband. I asked her why? Because I am not a Nederlander? Whatever, I found the reasoning shallow. Every day I entrust my son to them, but with like this happening, I feel, they dislike me. I don't mind. I don't care. As long as I like myself and my family is happy with me, that matters.


  1. Bumped into this post of yours Maggy, I feel for you. And I believed that it is your right to be upfront and question them not talking to you. However, I believed that it is already time to changed those school records of your child to include your name somehow as one of those contact person when dealing with your child.

    I know things will get better and just keep going. Nobody can beat a loving, strong mom who stands and fights for her child.

    1. Hello Ezsie! Thank you for your encouraging comment. Since the day that this happened and posted this on my blog, there are a lot of changes already, with my son, as well as with my relationship with his teachers. I am glad, everything come in a positive outlook now. Have a nice weekend and sorry for my late response.